The Saga of Vlamnoth
An important notice about the Saga of Vlamnoth
Click here to visit the main part of my site
Realms of Illusion
In the mystic kingdom of Vlamnoth there is a wise sage by the name of
Eltrex.
Now one day he mysteriously disapered!!! No one knows where he has
gone
off
to. Strangely the 7 sacred swordsman who guard the king have also
began to
act strangly on the very same strange day Eltrex disapered. The king
(who
senses foul play) has hired you 2 or 3 (he can't remember) intrepid
adventurers to root out and eliminate the source of this problem. Now
in
order to get on the kings payroll the grand clerk has asked our heroes to descride themselves to him.
The first hero says "Well, i am a 10ft. Nightwalker. I have two long
legs
and two long arms and im all black. (he then spun around to show the clek that he spoke truthfully when he said he was all black). "I have green specks for eyes and
really
sharp claws. I am undead and also very unsure as to y im here. As to my name...it is Zonken Daft." continued the nightwalker. After the clerk began to write hurriedly in his notebook zonken Daft grinned as if he had just remembered that he had left out a very important detail. he said "I want to register to help the king or whatever. I have
numerous abilities which you dont need to know. Anything else you need
sir?
After the first hero was done speaking the second said " I am a 48 foot hotdog man. The rest is government-censored." Then he handed the surprised clerk the following letter: "To whoever may care:
The government has decided to enclose a name, and a correction. I am
actually
an orcish chef who was eating the hot dog, which turned out to be
really bad.
Therefore being an orc I forgot that it was my lifelong dream to be a
great
chef and decided to save whatever or whatever instead.
Just after the clerk was done reading the letter 5 black garbed ninja looking fellows jumped in the window and killed the clerk then just as quickly as they came they turned on our heroes.
Two of the ninjas threw shurikens at Zonken Daft. The other 3 drew swords and leapt at our second hero.
Well, Zonken Daft knew that he was made out of shadow so he wasnt
scared at
all. He stood there until the stars had nailed him to the far wall by
his
limbs. (He was black but not shadow. He forgot since he is drugged and
a
forgetful idiot.) He noticed and tore the stars out of his body and
rushed
over to the ninjas where he slashed the first one to a bloody heap and
then
he collapsed from exaustion. The other ninja ran over to finish him but
he
tripped over a loose nail in the floorboards and fell, impaleing
himself on
Zonken Daft's sharp claws.
At the same time, our second hero pulled out that horrible hotdog he made and ran straight towards the thrown room throwing guards out of his path as he went when he reached the kings room he murdered him in cold blood.(no one knows why he commited this act of spontaneus regicide however it can be proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was sucessful.) Then he raced back to the clerks office and cleaved the remaining ninjas in two with his hotdog. (all before the ninjas had even taken one step) Then he said to Zonken Daft that he had just killed the king. (Zonken Daft of course did not answer because he was unconsious)
Then our second hero ran through the castle searching for an escape route. He ran and ran (passing the unguarded side door). He ran all the way up to the highest tower and flung himself off. (again no one knows why he did this, however by now it is fairly easy to deduce that our second hero is quite mad).
Luckily for our second hero he was caught by a mage testing out his newest flying magical invention. This mage promptly took our second hero to the chamber of the seven sacred swordsman.
Flarez the leader of the sacred swordsmen stepped forward and said to our second hero "You have murdered the king. Do you know what this is punishable by?"
Meanwhile Zonken Daft woke up to find himself still in the clerks office, but strangly enough the clerk was still there! The clerk was standing in the corner muttering to himself "that is the third time that this has happened..."
Our second hero replied to Flarez "My name is Orcman Manorc,
a pure orcish chef, I am sure you are going to kill me now due to my killing the king, I did it in the first place, because, as you can see, I am completely looney, and I am going to offer you a roast goblin dinner now for the same reason."
Then he started jumping up and down with seemingly no pattern, reason or order to his wild movements, and then pulled a roast goblin from his backpack and offered it to Flarez as if he were a god. When he saw that Flarez was unimpressed he took off running down the nearest corrider. Unfortunatly he was caught by the guards again and brought back to the chamber of the seven sacred swordsmen. When he returned Flarez and all the other swordsmen just looked at him blankly as if their minds were somewhere else far away...
Meanwhile Zonken Daft flew into a rage and said, "Who has done this and what do you mean by the third time?? How are you alive??" He then punched the wall in frustration and approximatly twelve seconds later, he was howling with pain As his fist swelled about 2 times its normal size as he stomped around trying to endure the pain. the Clerk laughed silently to himself as he watched Zonken Daft's antics.
One of the comatose sacred swordsmen mumbled "rook to queen's left..." Orcman Manorc looked at the swordsmen and said "why are you staring out in to space? Then he went insane again and attacked the nearest wall with his hotdog. Strangly enough the wall collapsed, there was a secret passage behind. Orcman Manorc temporarily forgot about the sacred swordsmen and decided to investigate.
Zonken Daft ignored the clerk's smirking and ran in place until he
realized
he wasnt going anywhere and he took off down the corridor. He tripped
over a
loose floorboard and slid 30 ft while getting about 20 splinters stuck
in
his butt. He passed 150 doors as he slid. (Or at least...it looked like
150
as he slid past.) He crashed into the wall at the end of the corridor,
which
happened to be a secret passage where the wall swung around to reveal a
slide of some kind leading down and down and down. He crashed into the
wall
which swung around and hurtled him down and down into the basement of
the
castle. He turned a few corners before falling out of the slide and
falling
down near to the brick wall. He grasped it hard with his claws and
skidded
to a stop on the wall. He clung there until a banana fell past him into
the
huge garbage heap 700 feet underneath him. He grabed for the banana and
in
doing so, let go of the wall and fell the 700 feet into a big stinking
pit
of garbage. He picked up the banana and ate it.
Orcman Manorc followed the passageway untill he came to a big stinking pit of garbage with Zonken Daft sitting atop it eating a banana. There was one corridor leading out of this room(other then the one Orcman Manorc came out of)
So, Zonken Daft then turns to Orcman Manorc and tells him to shove a mercurial greatsword up his arse. Then he picks up the banana peel and starts walking toward the path no one has takin yet however he drops the banana peel and slips on it falling unconsious just as the now enraged Orcman Manorc comes running at him.
Then Orcman Manorc picks up Zonken Daft and runs down the hall with him, smashing door after to to smithereens useing Zonken Daft's head as a battering ram. He skidds to a halt when he finaly reaches the end of the hall, where he finds Eltrex!
Eltrex stirs a vat of some putrid green fluid, then he looks up and notices our heroes then he says to them. "Ah hahahaha! I am Eltrex the master of chess, I was once the king's sage but I have given up that pitiful job to become the master of chess Ah ha ha ha! and there is nothing you can do to stop me, the master of chess for I control the sacred swordsman AH HAHAHAHA!!!." Then Orcman Manorc got that crasy gleam in his eye again and started playing his hotdog like a violin useing a roll of french bread as the bow. Of course in the act of doing this, Orcman Manorc released his hold on Zonken Daft who promptly leapt as far away from Orcman as possible. Then upon looking at Eltrex and realising the peril of his situation, he snaped from the pressure, had a nervous breakdown and ran around in a circle screaming "mother fucker peanut butter!" untill he collapsed from exaustion. Then with a laugh Eltrex gave his vat one final stir and spoke some magical incantations causing his vat to suddenly turn into a large transparent bloblike creature.
The noise "poof" echoed throughout the halls.
Click here to visit another website, not made by me:
Alex's sci fi site
